What part of SLOW DOWN did you not understand?

That is what my Daddy must have been thinking over the past couple months.

In the beginning, His still, small voice gently reminded me..."Slow down." I said "Ok, Dad. I will, just as soon as I get through......" I'm pretty sure God doesn't appreciate us making deals with Him, but I did it anyway...and worse yet, I didn't even keep my end of the deal.

Next, His voice was a little louder..."You NEED to slow down." But, feeling ashamed that I hadn't obeyed him the first time, and still overwhelmed with all I had to do...I turned my head away and pretended I didn't hear Him. My lab does this when he knows he's doing something wrong. "If I can't see her, she can't see me...and maybe she won't notice that I'm disobeying." It usually makes me laugh...but, I'm pretty sure God isn't into Hide & Seek and didn't find anything funny in my disobedience.

I remember His voice getting less and less audible. I knew what that meant, but kept telling myself that I would eventually obey Him. He just didn't understand how much pressure I was under and how much I had to do. And, besides...a lot of what I do is for Him anyway. So, surely...He couldn't be too upset...right? I mean, wouldn't He appreciate how much I serve Him? Wouldn't that make it all ok? I would get it all done on my own and show Him how strong I was. I'd prove myself to Him and everyone else, for that matter...and they'd all be proud of me...and, maybe they'd stop second guessing me all the time. I even started to feel a little bitter because "No one believed in me."

It's amazing the lies we start to believe when we turn a deaf ear to our Father God. He doesn't want our independence, He wants our obedience. He doesn't want our acts of service, He wants our surrendered heart.

As it turns out, I couldn't do it all on my own. Not only did I let my Father down, I let the people I love down, and the people I serve with down...I let myself down. I wasn't taking care of myself physically, emotionally...or spiritually. It was evident to everyone but me.

Luckily, we have a gracious Father who loves us unconditionally. His hand is always extended to us, but it is up to us whether or not we take it, or try to do it on our own. He freely gives us love and grace, and through Him we experience power and rest. They are gifts. Beautifully wrapped gifts. Can you imagine a loved one giving you a giant, shiny wrapped present and taking it, saying thanks and then setting it aside and never even opening it? Or worse, telling them, "Thanks, but I don't need this. I have everything I need without You"??

In my darkest moment, when I cried out for Him to rescue me and repented for my pride and disobedience...He extended His hand, once again, and waited for me to take hold. There's was no condemnation, no "I told you so', not even a "What part of slow down did you not understand?" Only comfort, a safe place to rest my weary soul.

This is a lesson that I have been in the process of learning for some time...and, though I'd like to think I've got it figured out for good, I know that when left to my own devices, I will trip over these same hard places. Thus the new title of this blog: Leaving Room in the Margins. Instead of packing my life and schedule so full that it's popping at the seams, I am going to leave room in the margins. Room to breathe, room to play and room to rest...but more importantly, room to spend time with my Daddy.